Over the Hill, Old Age,
Geezer, Getting Old, Old Folk, Senior Citizen Humor.
Jokes, Retirement, Cartoons and Funny Photos, Baby Boomers.
April 13, 2013
Scam Artists preying on the Elderly.
WASHINGTON, DC - The
Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies
target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of
money, but in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of
these scams is called Social Security.
Social Security System Overhauled To
Provide 'Early-Death Incentives'
- Overwhelmed by a dearth of funds and a glut of
recipients, the Social Security Administration unveiled a new
"Early-Death Incentives Plan" Monday. Under the terms of
the program, senior citizens willing to sacrifice additional years
of life will be eligible for larger payouts.
Good Advice for Seniors from the AMA.
65 years old. I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life; is this true? A: Your
heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer? Take a nap.
Philadelphia, PA-- Airports around the country are seeing a sharp
increase in visits by old maids and spinsters. The lonely ladies are horny, and
can't wait to get in line for that special touch by the TSA employees. Many old
maids say they have had their first orgasms, while being prodded and searched.
Miss Vicky Smegma is a 59-year old virgin, and visits the Philadelphia Airport
at least twice a week for kinky thrills. "I always ask to be frisked by
security. It's the only human contact I've ever experienced." said the retired
English teacher. Miss Amy Oldfart is another retired English teacher, and
sometimes joins Miss Smegma on their perverted excursions to the airport. "I
just had my first orgasm!" exclaimed the 81-year old troll. "I declined the
electronic strip search, and a big, beefy TSA employee came out. He touched me
in places that I never knew I had." she said. "What a wonderful way to spend
retirement." said the sexually satisfied Miss Oldfart. "This is much more fun
then gambling or Bingo!"
Don't mess with this grandma...
A 75 year old lady tries to break up a robbery
attempt at a Seven-Eleven convenience store in Malden, Mass. Her weapon... a
price checker. She even follows him outside.
You're never too old...
Former James Bond stuntman Ken
Wallis, MBE, wants to reach a new break neck pace of
140mph over 3km in his amazing hand built twin
propeller machine. The retired RAF wing commander,
who flew Little Nellie in the 1967 Bond film You
Only Live Twice, set the world speed record in 2002
when his autogyro reached 129.1 mph. full story
only! Manchester opens playground for oldies The UK's first playground specifically for older
people has opened near Manchester. The "older people's play area" in Dam Head
Park, Blackley, in north Manchester, features six pieces of equipment -
featuring the slogan "Never too old to play" - designed to provide gentle
exercise. More pictures and full story visit: full story and more photos.
Cinema warns elderly customers
over 'juvenile' behaviour A cinema which screens classic films for pensioners
has warned their elderly customers about their "unacceptable and juvenile"
behaviour. full story.
Senior season: 73-year-old
laces up the hightops
Mink, 73, is a 6-foot, 190-pound newcomer to
the Roane State (Tenn.) junior college basketball team about
35 miles west of Knoxville. He's likely the oldest person to
ever play college hoops.
full story |
76 Year Old Granny Arrested for the 37th
The grifting "granny" with 30 prior
convictions to her many names was told in Manhattan
Criminal Court today she's been indicted on grand
larceny charges. The 76-year-old woman whom police
sources say has been snatching purses and robbing New
Yorkers for more than three decades, was arrested for
the 37th time last week during a sting operation at a
Fairway supermarket in Manhattan. more
Remember Cheech & Chong?
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - JULY 30: Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong arrive to
announce their upcoming comedy tour at
the Troubadour on July 30, 2008 in West
Hollywood, California. (Photo by Mark
Only in New York...
Two men wheeled a dead
man through the streets in an office chair to a
check-cashing store and tried to cash his Social
Security check before being arrested on fraud
charges, police said. ( more
Detectives lead David
Dalaia, right, and James O'Hare, backround in
glasses, both 65, from the Midtown North police
precinct, Wednesday, Jan. 9, 2008, in New York. (AP
Photo/ Louis Lanzano)
Never Too Old:
Cambridgeshire man has starred in his first ballet after
taking up dance at the age of 79. John Lowe, of
Witchford, took up dancing after his daughter Alison
become a professional dancer, reports the BBC. The
retired teacher said: "It's a wonderful thing to do and
I can't understand why more men don't do it." Mr Lowe
appeared in the Lantern Dance Theatre Company's
performance of Prokofiev's The Stone Flower at The
Maltings in Ely on Sunday. "I went to a dance school in
the high street in Ely and asked if I could do tap and
ballet and they said 'well of course you can' and I've
been doing it ever since," said the grandfather of 11.
"I've got a rope at home that I use to pull my leg up
higher. I'm lucky that I don't have any problem with the
routines but that's because I exercise. I see these people crawling around, hunched over
smoking a cigarette - they should be doing ballet."
Medicare May Help
Seniors Stop Smoking
30, 2005 – The public comment period is now open on a new
proposal by Medicare to provide new coverage allowing
certain senior citizens covered by Medicare who smoke to
receive counseling services that will help them quit the
Foto Decadent. Model: Natasha Poly. Photographer: Terry Richardson.
Magazine: Vogue Paris
Seats or Titties
delegation of pensioners threaten to take their bras off unless they
are seated at the DNC convention.
A German Brothel Offers
Senior Citizen Early
Bird Afternoon Discount To Customers 60+
For everyone who thinks there is no sex
life after 60, think again. A brothel in the western town of Germany is
offering a 50 percent discount to senior citizens for sex in the
afternoon, if they come with proof of age. A normal sex session at "Pascha"
in the western city of Cologne costs about $67 but senior citizens aged
66, or older, who come between noon and 5 p.m., qualify for the half-price
special, the brothel says. Local media quoted the spokesman for the
brothel's managing director Armin Lobscheid as saying, "All clients need
to do is show us some proof of age. We don't earn as much money, but we're
establishing ourselves across a broader range of age groups." Saying,
"older folks are more active than you think," the spokesperson added that
the new offer has definitely raised the number of older people visiting
studies show that Senior Citizens are the nations leading carriers of Aids!
published by the U.S. Administration on Aging (AoA) shows that
senior citizens are the leading carriers of Hearing Aids, Band
Aids, Rol Aids, Walking Aids, Medical Aids, Government Aids,
and most of all, monetary aid to their kids.
Pillsbury Doughboy Dead at 71
is with the saddest heart I pass on the following. Please join me in
remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a
servere yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the
belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.
Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the
Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with
flours. Long-time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing
Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose
quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.
He was never considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough
on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even still
he was a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.
Toward the end, it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he had
reached his expiration date. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play
Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the
oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral
was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
Therapy in Nursing Homes The New York Times, August 15, 2007- Barbara Farling, therapeutic
recreation consultant for the State Department of Health Services says
"Elderly people checking into nursing homes around the state are finding
more than a clean bed, a friendly nurse and companionship. Now there's a
real trend toward pet-therapy programs for the elderly because it works.
People need to be needed and animals need people.'' Editors Note - Ever
since they adopted Bubba the boa, some of the other pets in the program
seem to have disappeared.
Just Hanging Around
Yuan Mengxin, 65, reads a book with his legs crossed
around a iron pole (left) in the People's Square in Wudi County,
east China's Shandong Province, July 4, 2006. He started doing his
special morning exercise last spring, and has since developed it
into a unique feat. He also hangs himself upside down on a iron
bar with three elderly men clinging to him.