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September 02, 2010

 

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Posted Monday, September 2, 2010. My newest bumper stickers.
All 66 bumper stickers are available for purchase at
www.cafepress.com/GeezerShop.

 

Posted Saturday, August 21, 2010. Dial 911. There's An App For That.

Posted Wednesday, August 18, 2010. Old Timers Day at Yankee Stadium.

Posted Sunday, August 15, 2010. Senior Fashion Page Updated.

Posted Friday, August 6, 2010. Old Friends.

Posted Sunday, July 18, 2010.
'Benidorm Bastards' is an edgy hidden camera show in which 7 elderly people are the protagonists. They go into the streets with only one mission: pulling pranks on the youth.

Posted Monday, July 12, 2010.
 

Posted Saturday, July 10, 2010.

Posted Tuesday, June 8, 2010.

Posted Monday, May 31, 2010. Hip old man dancing at T-Mobile.

Posted Saturday, May 8, 2010. This is a Norwegian commercial and the old lady just won the lotto, but wanted to get rid of that horrible nurse working there, so she puts her winning ticket in the nurses pocket. What a truly sweet old lady! She got that stick in the mud outta there.... helped make everyone's life there a little better. Priceless.

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Legal Notice: Copyright © 2005-2010 P&M Home Care Services Inc. All rights reserved. Blah Blah Blah. All cartoons, photos and videos on this site are understood to be in the public domain. If you hold the copyright to any of these pictures, cartoons or videos and would like us to remove them, please contact me. No old people were harmed in the making of this website. Bumper stickers are original artwork created by me.
 



Sunday, 8/22/10
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a "doughnut-eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Guliani in '08." I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important.

Saturday, 7/03/10
My wife looked at me the other day and said "Your getting fat Arthur!" I told her I'd like to get a second opinion. She said "Step on the scale."

Monday, 6/07/10
Why did Bernie Madoff go to prison?  To make it simple, he talked people into investing with him.  Trouble was, he didn't invest their money.  As time rolled on, he simply took the money from the new investors to pay off the old investors. Finally, there were too many old investors and not enough money from new investors coming in to keep the payments going.  Next thing you know, Madoff is one of the most hated men in America and he is off to jail. Too few people realize this, but Madoff did to his investors what the government has been doing to us with Social Security.
When benefits for older investors become due the politicians pay them with money taken from younger and newer wage earners to pay us old geezers. There is no meaningful difference between the two schemes, except that one was operated by a private individual who is now in jail, and the other is operated by politicians who enjoy perks, privileges and status in spite of their actions.

Tuesday, 6/01/10
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching the TV when I heard my wife's' voice from the kitchen. What would you like for dinner my love? chicken, beef or lamb? I said, Thank you, I'll have chicken." She replied, "You're having soup, asshole. I was talking to the DOG."

Tuesday, 5/25/10
I passed by what looked like a nice Mexican restaurant. There was one problem... it was closed. So I jotted down the name of the restaurant "Lunes Cerrado" which was on the door. When I got home I told my wife about the nice Mexican restaurant I seen and showed her the name I jotted down. She said "You old fool, that's Spanish for 'closed on Mondays."

Tuesday, 5/04/10
My wife and I just got back from Sea World in Orlando. Why the hell do they have a seafood restaurant there? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh... I could be eating a slow learner. Anyway, we stayed at a really nice, really fancy Hilton hotel nearby. The towels there were so thick and plush, I could hardly get my suitcase shut.

Thursday, 4/22/10
My wife and I take turns at oral sex... First she talks about it, then I talk about it, then she talks about it again, then I... I was really ticked off the other night when I lost out on winning the pub Trivia Quiz by one point. The question was, "Where do women mostly have curly hair?" Apparently it's Africa.

Friday, 4/16/10
Don't you just hate weddings? I used to hate them (I'm married now) because the old folks would always poke me and say "Arthur your next." So I started doing the same thing to them... at funerals.

Wednesday, 4/14/10
My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?" I said, "Only you, Darling - With all the others, I was awake."  The hospital visiting hours are 10 am to 4 PM.

Saturday, 4/10/10
The weather is finally starting to get a little nicer here in New York. It's Spring Time. I'm so happy I wet my plants. I feels so nice out, I think I'll leave it out. 

Tuesday, 4/6/10
I was driving back from the grocery store today and passed this big billboard down the road that said "Learn To Read." I laughed to myself... Who is this sign meant for anyway?   My doctor advised me to start walking some more. I told him "You know how much my car payments are every month? "I'm driving!" I told him.

Saturday, 4/3/10
I asked my wife what she'd like for her 80th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she said. So on the morning of her birthday, I got her up bright and early and off we went to a local theme park. What a day! I put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. I took her to McDonald's and ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then, it was off to a movie - the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure! Finally, she wobbled home and collapsed into bed. I leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, honey, what was it like being six again?" One eye opened. "I meant my dress size you old idiot." I'm in the dog house again.

Wednesday, 3/31/10
You know all that Social Security they keep taking out of your paycheck? Guess what... It's going to me every month. Retirement is so great. I just love being my own boss. Coming honey.

Tuesday, 3/30/10
My wife and I just recently celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. She still has that new wife smell. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present. One more for ya... There are three ingredients in the good life: learning, earning, and yearning. I'm adding a fourth, sleeping. It don't rhyme but it's important.

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